Friday, February 17, 2012

Friday Coffee Date

It's hard to believe that it's already Friday again. Last week was a big step for me as I shared my past with you. As we get together this week for our "heart to heart", I want to start off by thanking all of you who not only took the time to read through last week's post, but left me comments, messages, and were a HUGE encouragement to me. A lot of you asked me questions that I plan to answer in future posts. 

As we sit across our imaginary table, coffee in hand, and a feeling of relaxation because it's Friday,  I would ask you how your week was, and share mine with you as well.

I had an amazing Valentines Day with my hubby. He sent me flowers at work, and then bought me chocolate and wine along with cooking an amazing candlelight dinner for two! I have a good hubby:)
After bragging about my amazing husband for a while, I would tell you how much I love 2 hour delays:) Yesterday, we had one because of the fog. Let me tell you...that extra hour of sleep makes a whole new teacher out of me!

Finally, I would get serious with you and admit to you that this week I haven't been feeling very motivated in my time with the Lord. I go through phases where I take the time to read my Bible and pray and then I forget how meaningful it is as I slowly let it drift out of my life. I would ask you to pray for me that I start to make that time again. I have been very challenged by my hubby as I see him really seeking Christ in his personal life. I want that. Not just for me, but for those whose lives God wants to use me in. My lack of self-discipline doesn't just harm me, but those around me as well. I can't be an effective witness or discipler for Christ if I'm not being a disciple myself. 

Then I would address the question that many asked about my post last week. 

How is my relationship with my parents now?

That's a loaded question, and before I began to write on this subject, I made sure that my parents were okay with me addressing this in public. They were supportive of it so I am more than willing to share with you the transformation that God has done in my parents lives as well. To start, I will be honest with you and tell you that I was very bitter at my parents for many years. In fact, I even turned my back on God for a while, blaming Him for my past.

Today, the opposite is true. I can see very clearly how God allowed the circumstances of my childhood for a reason. I can see him being glorified through it every day and I praise God for that. In the same way, because of Christ's forgiveness in my life, I have been able to look at the mistakes my parents made and say "I forgive you."

Matthew 6:14 "For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you."

No, it's not all better. It still hurts. Forgiveness doesn't make everything go away, but wow is it healing for the relationship.  Forgiveness means that we no longer dwell in the past and start over with a clean slate. It has been a process for us that includes me being very honest about things with my parents. You can't forgive, if you don't address the things that need to be forgiven. Although that can be very painful, it is very freeing in the end. Over the past few years, I have come to the realization that I can blame my parents, be bitter at them, and refuse to let them be a part of my life, but as a result, I would simply be hurting myself, and missing out on the relationship that we can finally have, and someday that my children will have with their grandparents. 

Now, I understand that reconciliation is not possible with every situation like mine. What makes my situation unique is that my parents have changed, and God has changed my heart as well. They have admitted to their mistakes and asked forgiveness for the hurt they caused. That too is an amazing miracle of God. 

I now look at my past and have understanding for my parents rather than anger. I realize that they were entangled in wrong thinking and firmly believed that they were doing what was best for us. They believed that they were loving us by the way they raised us.When I look at it that way, my heart hurts for the pain that they experienced as well. 

Tears would probably stream down my face as I shared with you the story of my dad dancing with me at my wedding and how I saw how much he loved me through his willingness to do something he didn't necessarily feel comfortable doing. ( You can read about that story here). I would tell you that I have the best phone conversations with my mom about life and she listens to me when I share with her and she shares with me.
No, I can't go back and change the past, but I can make choices to positively affect the future.  I believe that my parents and I have a more functional relationship than many children have with their parents because of the Lord's working in our lives. 

I don't think my story is extraordinary, or even that unusual. I have yet to meet a parent who did everything right and a child who was never angry with their parents. What makes our story unique is the fact that we have forgiven and have been forgiven.

Well thank you for joining me for coffee today! I'm sure that many of you still have questions, and I would love to answer them if you leave me a comment or send me an e-mail. Someday, I may have my mom guest post about her story, and how God has worked in her life as well! 


  1. Faith, reading this part of your story makes my heart burn. Not with envy, or even anger, but with sadness over a broken relationship with my parents. Oh, I try! I try so hard to show them love like Christ would. Somedays I feel it gets through, but just hurts. I want to encourage you in that you have a special thing going here with your parents. Hang onto it. To hear them say they made mistakes, watch them grow in the Lord and heal together is no small blessing. I pray for this almost daily in my life. One thing I have learned from my godly in-laws is to never have expectations of my own parents. If I can remember that, it sure helps me view them as Christ would a whole lot better. Thank you for your honesty and Christ-like spirit. You are a gem!


  2. Faith, I am again so thankful that the Lord has crossed out paths. Your story is such a blessing to read. I am so glad to serve such a great God. I appreciate you sharing so much of your life with us. I appreciate your respecting your parents and not bashing them. You re a true child of God an I am proud to call you friend!


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