Monday, July 27, 2015

When God knits, we trust


Psalm 139:13-16
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, 
I know that full well. 
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place, 
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body; 
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be. 


From the very beginning of this pregnancy, I battled fear that after my previous miscarriages, this baby too wouldn't ever be mine to hold.

The lessons God taught me during those first fragile months prepared me for the even harder lessons He has taught me as my pregnancy with our son has progressed. You see, I always used to think that trusting God with something meant trusting that He wouldn't let anything bad happen. But through my losses, God taught me that trust doesn't mean nothing bad is going to happen. It means that I place my baby in His hands knowing that no matter what happens, God will be faithful to carry me through it.

And so I learned (and am still learning) to fully place my trust in God, not my circumstances.

In May at the baby's anatomy scan, we were so excited not only to have made it to the halfway mark, but also to find out that we are having a boy! My doctor found some abnormalities at the scan, however, and I was referred to a Perinatologist. At the time, it didn't seem like anything serious, so I went to my appointment the following week with little concern.


The day I visited the Perinatologist, I numbly listened to the doctor tell me that my baby's kidney's and bowel were showing some possible indicators of  Cystic Fibrosis, Down Syndrome, or a number of other diseases that could potentially take his life, cause blindness, deafness, brain damage and more. There were no answers at that appointment, only possibilities, tests, and being sent home to wait.

My heart physically hurt as I couldn't help but question why. I somehow felt like it was only fair that I should have a healthy baby after everything we had been through.

I drove home from the hospital that day in tears with no answers and a million possibilities and questions. But starting that day, I have felt God's presence so strongly with me, not just to comfort me and give me peace, but to give me much needed perspective.

You see, I had it all wrong. I have no right to ask why me, or why my baby? 
Who am I to think that I somehow deserve a healthy baby?

In many heavy moments alone with the Lord, He has given me an awareness of my smallness and His greatness. I am daily reminded that this world isn't about me. It's not about my baby. And it's not about my comfort, ease of life or happiness.
It's about God and His glory. 

After a week of waiting, the test results for the more serious diseases and Cystic Fibrosis all came back negative which was a huge relief and answer to prayer! The only thing we know for sure at this point is that he has some functional issues with his kidneys that will need to be treated at birth and potentially corrected with surgery. This condition in his kidney's is a marker that doubles his chances of having Down Syndrome. He also has an Echogenic bowel which is a marker that increases his chance of having Down Syndrome by 6x. And so we wait, living in the unknown and learning to have openhanded trust with our son.

 It's hard not knowing if our son will have Down Syndrome, will need surgery at birth, or if he will be completely healthy, but it's also a huge opportunity to trust God. I can't do anything for my baby right now. He is 100% in the hands of his Creator and there is no better place for him to be.

Job 13:15a says "Though he slay me, I will hope in him." If Job, the man who lost everything could still place His hope in the Lord, then I know I can say with confidence that even though God's plans for my baby differ from what I would have planned, I trust Him.  He is good. Always.

If God is more glorified through my son having Down Syndrome, needing surgery, or whatever else may come of these concerns, then it isn't my job to question why or how but to trust in the God who is the Creator and sustainer of life, both in and out of the womb.No, I don't understand God. I can't explain his purposes. I don't see His big picture. I don't know why He allows what He does in my life. But I know that I need Him, and there's no one I'd rather be holding me and my baby through this storm of life than the one who controls it.
Image Source: Pavelena Photography

Although the desire of my heart is for God to heal my baby, I know that whether or not my son has Down Syndrome or needs surgery at birth, his life has purpose for the glory of God and I am honored that God has chosen me to be his mother. I can't wait to meet this little guy!

Colossians 3:17 
And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Saturday, July 25, 2015

Mommy Moments #157


Welcome to Mommy Moments! We hope you all had a week filled with wonderful memories!  I have enjoyed getting to know all the new mamas linking up and sharing their lives with us! I can't wait to hear more from you all again this week! 


Motherhood has its seriousness and frustration as well as its laughs. That's why we are here. Life is much easier when traveled with companions! So mamas, let's join together in the spirit of motherhood and share our moments together. We want to hear the happy, sad, tough, terrible, hilarious moments that make being a mother the best job in the world!

The top viewed link this week belongs to Kristy from Rejoice and Repeat and her post Baby N's Birth Story. Congratulations to Kristy and her family on the arrival of their sweet bundle! It's always encouraging to read other mama's birth experiences, and amazing how none of them are exactly alike! Thank you for sharing with us Kristy!




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A  Beautiful Ministry


daily momtivity
Now, link up your post!
Post can include anything related to mommy-hood, children, homemaking, pregnancy etc. If you aren't a mom yet, feel free to link up your preparation for motherhood, your journey as you try to conceive, or even a post that would be encouraging to the other moms in the party!

Then, explore some of the other posts in the link-up and say hello to some new blog friends! 


Please, pretty please, we'd love it if you would tweet or share the link up on Facebook so we can all make even more friends!
We would also love it if you could add the Mommy Moments button to your post or blog so everyone knows where you are linking up! If you are not able to copy/paste the code on your page, please e-mail one of us and we would be happy to send you the code!

The Life Of Faith
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P.S. We will be having a new guest host every week! Want to be a guest host of the Mommy Moments Blog Hop? Send Faith a message at farmprincess14{at}gmail{dot}com. We would love to have you!

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Colossians 3:17 
And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.



Sunday, July 19, 2015

Mommy Moments #156


Welcome to Mommy Moments! We hope you all had a week filled with wonderful memories!  I have enjoyed getting to know all the new mamas linking up and sharing their lives with us! I can't wait to hear more from you all again this week! 


Motherhood has its seriousness and frustration as well as its laughs. That's why we are here. Life is much easier when traveled with companions! So mamas, let's join together in the spirit of motherhood and share our moments together. We want to hear the happy, sad, tough, terrible, hilarious moments that make being a mother the best job in the world!



The top viewed link this week belongs to Britni from Happy Mama Tales and her post "When Nursing Isn't An Option." Britni shares her honest experience with breastfeeding, stress, and a loss of milk supply on top of all that. It's great to share in other's experiences so we can be understanding of where each mama is at rather than judging and jumping to conclusions! We are thankful for this community of mamas where we can share our struggles, disappointments, joys, surprises and everything in between!
Not all breastfeeding turns out to be a good experience. The story of how I lost my milk supply!




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Post can include anything related to mommy-hood, children, homemaking, pregnancy etc. If you aren't a mom yet, feel free to link up your preparation for motherhood, your journey as you try to conceive, or even a post that would be encouraging to the other moms in the party!

Then, explore some of the other posts in the link-up and say hello to some new blog friends! 


Please, pretty please, we'd love it if you would tweet or share the link up on Facebook so we can all make even more friends!
We would also love it if you could add the Mommy Moments button to your post or blog so everyone knows where you are linking up! If you are not able to copy/paste the code on your page, please e-mail one of us and we would be happy to send you the code!

The Life Of Faith
<div align="center"><a href="http://the-life-of-faith.blogspot.com//search/label/mommymoments" title="The Life Of Faith"><img src="http://i1114.photobucket.com/albums/k537/faithkonrath/cfa5ba11752f4e898055d03d33cf24e0.jpg" alt="The Life Of Faith" style="border:none;" /></a></div>



P.S. We will be having a new guest host every week! Want to be a guest host of the Mommy Moments Blog Hop? Send Faith a message at farmprincess14{at}gmail{dot}com. We would love to have you!

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Colossians 3:17 
And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.



Friday, July 17, 2015

30 weeks pregnant with our baby boy!



How Far Along? 30 weeks
Weight: Baby boy is measuring a bit ahead of schedule at 3.6 pounds
Heartbeat: 141

Health update: I have had a couple more visits with the Perinatologist as well as my OB and prayer is still appreciated for the health of our baby boy. His kidney's are both still dilated, one worse than the other, but how that affects him won't be definite until he is born so the doctor is going to continue monitoring his fluid levels until that point. He also has an Echogenic bowel which could  indicate a number of things and we won't know that until he is born either. I am so thankful that neither of these concerns are life threatening and we have a growing and active boy on the way! 

 I can't imagine the uncertainty and anxiety that I would have if it weren't for the fact that I know the one who is in control of all things and who is personally knitting my son together inside of me. God is good and I am learning so much more about his goodness through the ups and downs of this pregnancy.

Movement: This week the doctor officially declared this stubborn boy as breech. Ideally he would be making his way in the right direction by now, but he seems to be pretty content bottom side down which is actually much more uncomfortable for me! When he kicks, he kicks down towards my bladder and nerves leading down my legs which is a new sensation for me. He is also cutting off a lot of circulation to my right leg leading to some lovely varicose veins and numbness. Pray with me that he is turned by my next visit in 2 weeks!

Morning Sickness: Morning sickness has still been a daily battle for me. Some days I am nauseous all day, and other days aren't as bad! My nausea has been made worse by the heat, unfortunately so we have been spending a bit more time indoors on these 100 degree days!


Weight Gain: I have gained around 20 pounds now, which is hard for me to accept personally, but I know that it's healthy for my baby and so I'm glad for that! 20 pounds is what I gained total with my first and it's hard not to compare to that even though every pregnancy is different! I have been consistent with eating healthy and doing Prenatal workouts so I'm hoping it isn't too hard to lose what I've put on once he is here!


Clothes: I have a few tops, dresses and elastic waist shorts that aren't maternity that I like to wear, but otherwise I am wearing mostly maternity clothes these days! I also have to wear compression hose or socks most of the time. It has been challenging to try to match that with any summer outfit and not look like a complete dork!


Best Moments: Last week, my 2 year old and I took a trip to Georgia for a family reunion that included my siblings as well as Aunts, Uncles, cousins and extended family. It was one of the highlights of my year spending that time with my sisters, brothers and family. We made so many wonderful memories at the beach and just hanging out together! I am so thankful that I was healthy enough to make the trip!

My big sister and I are just a month apart in our pregnancies, both with baby boys! Even though we live in different states, I hope our little guys are buddies!



Hard moments: The heat! It wasn't bad until this week so I guess I should be grateful! The air conditioning in our vehicle no longer works and it doesn't look like it's going to be something that is worth fixing so anytime I go out to run errands, I am miserable! I am so thankful to have a home with air conditioning, that's for sure!

Sleep: I was sleeping well until a few nights ago. Even though I am tired, I can't seem to get comfortable. I guess I need to bring in more pillows! 

Miss Anything: I miss being able to carry my daughter, but I guess it's good practice for her for when baby gets here! 

Cravings: Green beans, popcorn, mangos and berries

Aversions: Mexican food and anything with raw onion in it. 

Mood: This week I really started to think about what I need to get done before he is born. I have some shopping and cleaning to do! If only I could buy some energy on Amazon. 

Other Symptoms: I have had some pretty bad headaches with this pregnancy which could be caused by lack of sleep I'm sure!  

What Big Sister Thinks: She likes to point out my big belly and has felt brother kicking her several times now which I think is exciting for her! She also makes sure that we include him in our prayer every evening. Several of our close friends have had babies recently which has been great exposure for her! I know it's going to be an adjustment for her still, but I'm hoping that she's a little bit prepared for what is coming, if that's possible!


Looking Forward: I am excited to get a hospital bag packed in the next few weeks and get some things ready around the house. There is a possibility that they could induce me as early as 34 weeks if his bowel starts to dilate badly so I need to be ready sooner than later! 


It has been fun to have photos from my first pregnancy to compare my bump to. Here is my 30 week photo with my first pregnancy. I definitely am carrying this little guy differently!


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Colossians 3:17 
And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Sunday, July 12, 2015

Mommy Moments #155


Welcome to Mommy Moments! We hope you all had a week filled with wonderful memories!  I have enjoyed getting to know all the new mamas linking up and sharing their lives with us! I can't wait to hear more from you all again this week! 


Motherhood has its seriousness and frustration as well as its laughs. That's why we are here. Life is much easier when traveled with companions! So mamas, let's join together in the spirit of motherhood and share our moments together. We want to hear the happy, sad, tough, terrible, hilarious moments that make being a mother the best job in the world!



The top viewed link this week belongs to Kristy from Rejoice and Repeat and her post introducing her brand new baby! Make sure you stop by to congratulate her and her family on their new arrival!




Photobucket






A  Beautiful Ministry


daily momtivity

Now, link up your post!
Post can include anything related to mommy-hood, children, homemaking, pregnancy etc. If you aren't a mom yet, feel free to link up your preparation for motherhood, your journey as you try to conceive, or even a post that would be encouraging to the other moms in the party!

Then, explore some of the other posts in the link-up and say hello to some new blog friends! 


Please, pretty please, we'd love it if you would tweet or share the link up on Facebook so we can all make even more friends!
We would also love it if you could add the Mommy Moments button to your post or blog so everyone knows where you are linking up! If you are not able to copy/paste the code on your page, please e-mail one of us and we would be happy to send you the code!

The Life Of Faith
<div align="center"><a href="http://the-life-of-faith.blogspot.com//search/label/mommymoments" title="The Life Of Faith"><img src="http://i1114.photobucket.com/albums/k537/faithkonrath/cfa5ba11752f4e898055d03d33cf24e0.jpg" alt="The Life Of Faith" style="border:none;" /></a></div>



P.S. We will be having a new guest host every week! Want to be a guest host of the Mommy Moments Blog Hop? Send Faith a message at farmprincess14{at}gmail{dot}com. We would love to have you!

Photobucket
Top Mommy Blogs - Mom Blog Directory
Colossians 3:17 
And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.



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